I wish I could purr.
Also wow I just realised it was halloween!!
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Content Warning: generally not taking care of the body (eating, drinking, sleeping, showering)
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She brought home some fries and chicken nuggets from this one cornerstore which is even BETTER and I got to eat with my siblings. It was nice even though it was not entirely pleasant (siblings were fighting).
I also drank something so that's good. I haven't been drinking much either. I was like "damn I showered but I don't even feel much better" like GIRL you still hadn't eaten or drank and you only had a sort of sleep for an hour tops. DUH you still don't feel too good.
So hopefully I will feel a bit better soon. In the meantime I'm gonna watch a video before going to sleep. I can't imagine 20-40 minutes will help that much, but it's still a generally bad idea to lay down directly after eating, so I'll try to delay it.
Later at night my mum's gonna drive me to this one shop (in order to show me the way), and we'll get ice and bananas for my sibling (who may or may not be coming).
Maybe I can clean a little bit too, afterwards. My sibling keeps messing up my room, so I really meed to clean it (no hate to him. He's like four.)
If it's too many bananas like last time (not sure if they came from the same place), then I'll try to share with the neighbours. I wanted to do that last time, but thought I'd be offputting since I hadn't showered in a while. But I've showered now! I could be social amd neighbourly!
Agh, okay, I'm tired. Video timeee! :D Jarvis Johnson bachelor(ette) here I come!
Oh holy crap wait it's halloween tomorrow?? POG that's so awesome!!!!
I have NOT been keeping track of dates, but I decided that around halloween, I'd like to watch those videos of those really impressive halloween costumes that literally JUST look like monsters. Full on you become a monster in the night. Those are AWESOME.
Guess I better hop to it! (Later, but soon)
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Content Warning: disordered eating
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I don't want to eat. I should though, it's 3:30pm and all I've had are two cups of coffee and bullis.
What would I eat tjough, pasta again? I'm getting s8ck of it.
Mami said she'd be coming back with mcdonalds, and I would want to eat that, even if it's n9t by much. So hey, there's that at least.
I mean hey on the bright side I've laundered my clothes. Washer and shower are broken (something's wrong with the plumbing, actually, so it affects more than that), so I've been putting off showering. Discovered I can actually shower, so instead of trying to go as long as I possibly can without showering, I'm just going long between showering. Not as long as possible.
Gonna shower today, but I gotta do laundry to do it. Sun sets quickly, so I've been too late in the day to do it previously (air drying outside)(I'd forget to do laundry until there was two hours of dayl8ght left 💀).
Can only do 15 minute laundry washes, lest water overflow everywhere. So I'm gonna wash twice (altjpugh I'm not aure how lomg I should wait before it's safe to wash again). But I did one cycle! I'll do anotjer once sufficient time has passed! And it's only 10:23am!
Actually, I might not be able to shower today. But hey, showering tomorrow is pretty good.
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Content Warning: disordered(?) eating (not sure if that applies to me but at the very least it is *influenced* by depression, which is a disorder)/unhealthy eating, psych hospital, food insecurity(? mention of there not being enough around), depression
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Finally got to the stage of not eating/eating little where I'm not able to eat as much as before 😬
Actually got to this stage a little while ago, actually. Very disconcerting actually having trouble eating the pasta I made, despite it being much less than I usually would prefer (I forgot why but for some reason I couldn't make more).
Man... I miss that I could eat large quantities quicker than people usually eat... I like that I'm apparently (according to my siblings) a fast eater...
(Well, large to me. I admittedly may have a skewed perspective. Fast at least.)
Which is funny 'cus sometimes I'd get so frustrated 'cus I felt like a VOID. Like I was eating so much and I was STILL hungry. In reality I was probably eating a normal (or less than normal) amount. But when there's not much food around in the first place... I really wanted to be sarisfied when I ate much more than usual.
Hnn. I've actually long since been able to eat less than other people. I just didn't notice it since there wasn't an opportunity to notice. But when I was in the psych ward, they'd give me three meals a day, and I found that it was overwhelming.
I didn't even eat everything they gave me (there were some things I c9uldn't bring myself to, so I was still hungry sometimes, but it wasn't bad.), byt I still got overwhelmed by the sheer frequency they brought meals.
Like what the heck... you want me to try eating AGAIN?... And try eating a wjole ass meal again...?!
The frustration may have been, in part, having to sort through what I could and couldn't eat again, but I think I was mostly very boggled that it was Meal Time again.
Hhg. Anyway. I've found myself eatimg much less than usual lately, and I"m able to eat less as well (I'm pretty sure. My desire to eat has also gone down. So it's not like I've been testing much. Looking at lots of food seems.. well. I just don't want it. I want to lie down forever.)5. Uh oh. Hopefully I will sort this out soon but. I can feel my depression getting worse <3.
Yellow eyes I love you too <3. Can't f9rget yellow eyes.
Story #3 . . . | . . .
The MC doesn't binge the superhero show. She enjoys shows more when she spaces episodes out and gives herself time to digest it. So, if a show is important to her, she'll space it out, otherwise she'll binge.
Usually she'll keep pausing episodes to take notes, commentate, and theorise. Then once the episode's over she'll write more extensive theories and notes.
She gives herself one episode a day at max. So if she's really excited for the next episode, she'll watch it the next day, but usually she watches an episode once every few days.
If she's rewatching episodes, she's allowed to binge. When she took a break during the halfway point, she re-watched the show up to that point multiple times. She kept poring over her notes and writing and rewriting commentary and analysis about the show and where it could be headed.
So hey, not the worst time to be teleported into the show. It was all fresh in her mind, and she had notes to boot!
Story #3 . . . | . . .
The show in story #3 is 3 seasons long. The MC got up to exactly the middle of season 2, 'cus she thought that was a good stopping point for her to gather her thoughts and theorise about what could come next. This mini break is when the ~*accident*~ that brought her into the show world occured.
She has absolutely no foreknowledge beyond this point 'cus she vehemently avoided spoilers. Which wasn't that hard since the show only had a small fandom while airing, which only dwindled over the years since its completion.
It was still somewhat a struggle though 'cus she desperately wanted to see fandom art/reactions/thoughts to the episodes she'd seen thus far, but she knew that she'd get spoilered for something if she did, even if she did try to filter the results to only include stuff from when the current episode she was on came out.
She'd be like "Ooh you wanna see fandom posts SO bad. C'mon just one peek, you can filter results, nothing bad will happen—"
"NO. I'll get spoilered!! It ALWAYS happens!! This show is TOO important, I CAN'T afford to see spoilers."
She knows from experience it wouldn't work... She's gotta stay strong!!
Yellow teeth I love you yellow teeth <3
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Content Warning: animal corpse + description of that corpse
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It seems the mummified gecko has been knocked from my windowsill to the plush, carpet floor below, presumably by my littlest sibling.
I kinda want to send a picture of it 'cus I think it looks cool, but I don't know how to censor images yet, and the internet's too patchy + it's too much effort atm to learn to do it.
I want to preserve it, but 1) How? Is it already preserved? It's pretty mummified, the skin essentially shrinkwraps the skeleton, so I can see the shape of the bones pretty well. And 2) How do I store it? 'Cus I sure as hell am not going to keep it loose on the dresser or something.
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Content Warning: shitty parent
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Not papi saying that baby's a manipulator for crying when mami took him inside after he ran out 😒.
Especially weird 'cus he himself thinks that baby's essentially been in a little prison all his life (accurate) (stuck indoors) (in a small, cluttered space, but I'm not sure papi knows/realises that part), but somehow doesn't understand that he'd be crying 'cus he's upset? I hate you.
It seems the hotspot that works is papi's, so I can only use the internet when he's here. Unfortunate.
While transportation is cheap, I don't have any money, so it's beyond me atm. And the nearest library is too far to walk. I'll walk around tomorrow, and maybe I'll find a park with free wifi or something. Here's hoping.
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Content Warning: spiders
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One of my siblings said we'd have to watch out for huntsmen spiders again. Horrifying realisation. She said as long as we keep the house clutter-free, we should be fine. I said that wouldn't necessarily prevent them from being inside, to which she said sure, but it'd be easy to spot them and keep track of them.
But I don't want to be in a room with them at all, even if I can see them!
They might not actually be here, though. The previous house in australia we were in was the only time we had encountered huntsmen. Before that, the only spiders I remember coming into contact with were daddy long legs and jumping spiders, which are both harmless, and two tarantulas. I've lived here for about 14 years! 2 tarantulas being the only "bad" spiders I'd faced up until that point is pretty good!
So perhaps there will be no huntsmen here. Hopefully not! Those things are fast and scary! And while they were not as numerous as daddy long legs, there were still plenty of them we encountered in that house!
But you know what they say. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. If I get jobseeker pay from centrelink, I should buy some preventitive bug spray or powder.
Last Seen Online by Lauren James comes out tomorrow!
WAKT QHWNKS8 HOLD ON!!! I was checking I got the author's name right and
IT'S ALREADY OUT????
JWVQKSICQNAJ Oh I've GOT to see if any of my libraries have it.
(P.S I finally returned an unrelated library book a few days ago so now everything's peachy-keen!)
Story #3 . . . | . . .
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Content Warning: (fictional) child abuse
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One thing that I think is funny about Story #3 is that I think it's pretty obvious the kid was being abused at home before she was transported, but the story is actually not upfront with this fact.
But I think it's pretty obvious! A kid who's super excited to find herself in her favourite story, already had detailed plans about what she should do in the show if she ever got transported there, shows absolutely no desire to get back "home", and doesn't even mention anything she'd miss? Yeah she's abused! She for sure engaged in escapism to survive.
But it's not remarked upon at first? She just doesn't bring it up. If this story existed in a ready-to-read format, I'd be curious how many people would catch onto this before it's mentioned/"revealed" in the story proper, and what kind of people are the ones to take notice.
Hmm, there's also this part with two villains that appear a bit into season 1. She really wanted to befriend these villains and redeem them while she watched the show, for the precise reason that they give her abused children vibes. She sees a lot of herself in them, regardless of how upfront she is to herself with that. I'm not sure if this is pre-"reveal" about the mc being abused. Maybe this is another thing that tips people off?
'Cus like, (and this is subject to change), the MC doesn't completely avoid thinking about her old life in her head. She doesn't have a Formal Policy of not thinking about it. She's just like, "My old world was boring, and lame! There weren't even any robots or genetic experiments. Not worth talking about!". <—Guy who hasn't really accepted that she's been abused.
Her general policy is that it doesn't matter so it's not worth thinking about. You know what is worth thinking about? Epic superheroes and and robots!
Honestly, I'm not even completely sold on it not being mentioned, I might make it so that she does but then just moves on immediately. Always in passing thoughts. She doesn't sit down and really acknowledge it until later.
Edit:
It could also be like, she really likes this show, right? She has spent so much time thinking about it and wishing she was there. Meanwhile, memories of the abuse are painful. So obviously she avoids thinking about her past world/the abuse 'cus that hurts, and instead throw herself into thinking about her new world which she loves, and which she desperately wanted to be a part of. This is literally what she did when she was actively being abused, too! (Escapism)
Mourning a Ghost . . . | . . .
I guess the moral of the story is that no matter how good of a parent you are, you can't stop your kid from getting hit by a car.
This is about how I was like "I feel like every child death in my stories is caused by abusive parenting or caused by being in dangerous situations which are caused by abusive parenting (so, they're caused by abusive parenting).
Which. ???. There's only two stories off the top of my head that have dead kids. But I digress.
I want Robin's family to be a good one. I didn't want there to be situational factors that led to their death. I wanted their death to be a sudden, tragic accident. Something where there is nothing any of Robin's family could've done to prevent it from happening.
Y'know I've always wanted one of my pages to have a plant theme. Initially I was planning for my landing page to switch between a star, plant, and underwater theme whenever you load the page, but now I'm thinking night sky for the landing page, sea for the homepage, and plant for my creative writing index.
Ahh My mountains poem! Bahiagrass poem! My Tea short story (which I did actually save before I got locked out of my school account, but I saved it on a USB which has since gone missing)! Noooo.
Wait. I have one last hope (not actually, my last hope is emailing my teachers). I keep having an "account action required" in reference to my school email. Perhaps... I can reclaim it... And go through all my notes and documents... Probably not, but I gotta try!
Edit:
GOD DAMMIT.
Okay I'll have to email them but I don't want tooo,,,,,. Hhhrg. Maybe later.
I want to join the tranzing the internet webring but I don't know what a widget is... I know SOME widgets, but I d9n't know which one specifically they're referring to...
I'll have to look it up later but also I don't WANT tooo,,,,,, But I do want to join that webring (and also webrings in general) so I guess I'll figure it out eventually.